I Want to Feel That by Nafisa Bakkar

31 Days of Poetry: Day 6. Today's choice is a little different and it's such a pleasure to be able to share it with you.

For the month of August I’ll be participating in The Sealey Challenge and attempting to read a book of poetry every day (or at least a poem or two), and every day I’ll be sharing a poem with you. If poetry isn’t your thing, a month isn’t too long a time, I promise. But, if it is something you enjoy, I hope this series affords you an opportunity to discover some new favourites or revisit some old ones.

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Today’s post features a poem that was actually posted just this evening on Instagram, and I was so moved by its transparency and accuracy that I immediately messaged the author to ask if she’d be happy for me to share it. Nafisa Bakkar is co-founder and CEO of Amaliah , an award-winning media platform that aims to amplify the voices of Muslim women; author of ‘How To Make Money: An Honest Guide to Going from an Idea to a Six-Figure Business’, and so much more than I could ever effectively express here (trust me, the list is inspiringly long).

Thank you, Nafisa for allowing me to share your words here.

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I Want to Feel That

‘I feel                         everything
and nothing.

I don't want to feel the weight of knowing how
unloved our communities are.

           I don't want to read endless opinion pieces on
           why the riots are islamophobic and a product
            of islamophobic governments.

I want to read love letters. I want to read about your
grandmother's recipes and feel the love she showed
you through her cooking, about the things you love,
the things you have learnt that I should know too.

           I don't want to wonder if my loved ones
           should go out.

I want to sit on the beach for ours on end, aimlessly pottering around an unknown town and romanticising running a cafe and a bookshop.
           
           I don't want to watch people sit on the news
           defending why we should be able to exist.

I want to watch love stories where Fatima wonders if
this first date will be the one, I want to feel the
butterflies with her. I want to go to the theatre and
feel the love of Muslims writing Muslim characters.
  
                             I don't want to feel this.
          I want to feel that.'

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I had another poem selected and all written up for today but, as much as I love it (and will likely share it another day), the reality of it exhausted me. Then Nafisa shared this post and, while the seemingly mutual exhaustion remained, it also allowed me to turn my mind to realities (and potential realities) other than the worst of our current one.

I want to read love stories and I want to live them, I want to exchange stories with family and friends over a good meal, I want to go on my little walks and roam around little towns and big cities, I want to eat gelato in the sunshine (and in the rain if it pleases me); I want to sit by a body of water with nothing but the smooth voice of some nostalgic artist in my ear, I want to sit alone in a coffee shop, reading a book and watching the world go by- preferably one worth looking at.

Really, I want the romanticisation of life to not just be reserved for a select few while so, so many others are only afforded varying degrees of tragedy.

‘I don’t want to feel this. I want to feel that.’

A question for you: what do you want to feel? What are the ideal moments you’d love to live?

And please, please don’t exempt yourself from offering a response, or question whether I am asking you. I am. The hope and the desire and the point is that we all get to dream and imagine and feel, and live.

See you on day seven,

Tasnim