I asked the above question on my Instagram stories a few days ago, partly inspired by the tweet below, and partly because it’s something I, too, have been giving some thought.

When it feels as though so much is happening around you that you have little control over, it can be easy to forget how much we can control, how even seemingly small things can make a huge difference, and how leaning towards the beauty of life is wholly necessary even if it doesn’t feel easy and even if it doesn’t feel like it’s working. Especially then.

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I thought I’d share some of the responses I got to this question because they feel so considered and thoughtful and important (if you’re reading this and you see your response, thank you for sharing it).

I don’t love the term ‘self-care’, mainly because these two seemingly innocuous words have come together and taken on an overused, materialistic life of their own, but I do believe that taking care of yourself is extremely important and I think these responses demonstrate just some of the ways we might do this. The idea that you can’t pour from an empty cup holds a lot of truth, I just wonder if how we fill our cup is what is in constant need of reevaluation. I also think some of these responses perfectly illustrate the balance that is to be had between nurturing yourself so that you might live well and recognising where you’re in a position to give to others so that they might live well too.

This giving of what we have doesn’t have to be a major undertaking, either. Making someone laugh, expressing gratitude and contentment, smiling and being kind to others. These are all gifts.

With that said, have you ever found yourself so lost in your own thoughts and your own concerns that, as you pass a stranger in the street, they offer you a smile and you’re so absent that you return it seconds too late- the moment has passed- and they have walked away?

In order to create a beautiful life I think our eyes have to be open wide enough to the beauty of the world, so that when someone smiles at us we don’t miss it. We have to be awake enough to acknowledge and observe each other’s existence. We also have to find and make space for those things we want to wake up for and those things we want to wake up to.

I recognise that this isn’t always the easiest thing, especially when you’re operating from a place of exhaustion, sadness or grief, so please know that I say all of this as a reminder to myself first and foremost. Not a single one of us is in possession of all the beauty in the world; even if you’re confronted with the loss of the most precious, irreplaceable thing in your world, you have to trust that there is more and you have to keep looking for it. And the purpose of this seeking isn’t to replace what you’ve lost but to make its absence a little easier to bear.

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Onto the Books etc.

I’m going to share the books a little more rapidly than usual because the ‘etc.’ is going to take up a little more room this week, so let’s start with a round-up of some recent book reviews, shall we? Click on the titles below if you’re curious about my thoughts on them!

1.) Where the Lemon Trees Grow by Zoulfah Katouh

2.) Generations: A Memoir by Lucille Clifton

3.) Eva’s Man by Gayl Jones

As for what I’m currently reading, it’s quite the mixed bag of poetry (Obit by Victoria Chang and Quiet by Victoria Adukwei Bulley), non-fiction (You Have Not Yet Been Defeated by Alaa Abd El-Fattah) and fiction (De Rightest Place by Barbara Jenkins). Ideally, I’ll have finished these and be able to fill you in properly in my next letter but, for the time-being, I’ll just say that I can’t imagine I won’t be recommending all of them.

Podcast Recommendations

If you follow me on Instagram you’ll know that every once in a while I’ll ask via my stories for people to share the story of how they met their significant other. I can’t remember how or why I started doing it but it’s probably the thing I get the most responses to and, let’s face it, deep down I’m a romantic masquerading (very poorly) as a cynic and there is just something about a good love story. Judging by the state of my inbox whenever I do this I know I’m not the only one who thinks so…

Now, imagine my satisfaction when I found the Love Letters Podcast. I skipped the first season so I can’t comment on that one but the stories of missed opportunities, serendipitous encounters and people’s seemingly endless quest for love make for such enjoyable listening.

The wonderful Tolu Agbelusi, author of one of my favourite poetry collections, ‘Locating Strongwoman’, launched her new podcast, Unlearning Strongwoman with a conversation with Naana Orleans-Amissah.

“Facing your soul is not pleasant… because you have to see who you are, you have to look with your heart at what your soul is made from and how often you have neglected that and disappointed that. That’s a lot of pain, that’s a lot of realisation, that’s a lot of grief. It’s a lot of looking at missed opportunities and looking at your own stupidity…”

~ Naana Orleans- Amissah, Unlearning Strongwoman ep. 1

I’ve shared my love for Locating Strongwoman in a previous letter and the Unlearning Strongwoman podcast is such a beautiful way to hear more from Tolu Agbelusi and whoever she chooses to converse with.

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Newsletter Recommendations

I’ve been asked quite a bit lately where I find out about book-related events, new book releases etc. so I thought I’d share a few newsletters/ sources with every letter until I run out of suggestions. This week I have a few newsletter recommendations and even if you think that these might be geographically irrelevant for you, don’t rule them out too quickly because they often feature online events and other great resources, too.

Fitzcarraldo Editions. I’m sorry, but tell me Fitzcarraldo isn’t the publisher of the moment. This year alone, authors published by the politically astute indie have bagged the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction (Joshua Cohen for THE NETANYAHUS), the Nobel Prize in Literature (Annie Ernaux), and the 2022 Goldsmiths Prize (Natasha Soobramanien and Luke Williams for Diego Garcia). They’ve also recently published their 100th title and I’ve yet to read a book by them that has missed the mark. For this reason I am, of course signed up to their newsletter.

National Centre for Writing. Norwich was the first Unesco City of Literature and is also home of the infamous UEA Creative Writing MA, which counts some big names amongst its alumni, but there is also a thriving literary scene in the city, too. The National Centre for Writing, based at the medieval Dragons Hall in Norwich, is great for readers and writers alike, with a range of in-person and online events for all ages. Many of these events are also free or ‘pay what you can’, which makes them all the more accessible. You can sign up to their newsletter here.

Southbank Centre. A hub of creative activity, the Southbank Centre is one to keep an eye on for all things arts and culture related. From live performance to workshops and exhibitions, there is always something happening. Poetry fans might want to have the T.S. Eliot prize readings on their radar… You can sign up to their newsletter here.

One more thing…

I need to talk about Blues for an Alabama Sky.

I’d been thinking for some time that I’d like to go to theatre but I hadn’t done anything about it until, one day, after what felt like one loud hint too many, I bit the bullet and booked tickets for the second to last showing of Blues for An Alabama Sky by Pearl Cleage at The National Theatre.

I don’t know how to explain how much I loved this play; it was absolutely stunning- striking, even. I also can’t remember the last time I felt such a range of emotions in such a short space of time: anticipation, awe, amusement, apprehension, fury… Definitely fury. And wonder. That too…

As the play ended and the lights came up, out of the corner of my eye I spotted two of the most wonderful women I’ve met in recent years. They felt so perfectly placed and I found myself thinking that you can make plans and you might think you know what they’ll lead to, but it is only when, and if, you follow through that you’ll actually get to find out.

Speak soon,

Tasnim x

Reads & Reveries

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